On the Hypocrisy of 'Loving the Sinner and Hating the Sin'

Many Christians have a little saying they use, as a way of getting around the real thrust and purpose of Jesus’ ministry in instructing us to love our neighbor, to forgive when they sin against us, and to refrain from judging others. This is true especially where homosexuals are concerned. It’s called ‘love the sinner and hate the sin’.

Under this slogan, many have transformed a Christian duty to love their neighbor into an excuse to hate them. They changed a scriptural requirement not to judge others, into a requirement that they judge. It is common among many Christians today to say, ‘love the sinner and hate the sin’, though nowhere in scripture has Jesus commanded us to hate the sin we think we recognize in others. On the contrary, he repeatedly commands us to refrain from judging others, to forgive even those who directly sin against us, and just concentrate on that log in our own eye.

Those who presume add 'and hate the sin' to His commandment that we love our neighbor, always do so in an attempt to hide and justify their very real hatred of the sinner. Because those who say ‘hate the sin’, certainly aren't talking about their own sins, which they love, but only those sins which they see, judge and condemn in others. Not incidentally, it is often the case that what we most hate about others, is what we refuse to recognize in ourselves.

‘Hate the sin, love the sinner’ is first and foremost the motto for religious hypocrisy. It is a way of diverting attention away from your own love of sin by passing judgment on someone else's. It is a way of hiding your hatred of the sinner by pretending that you hate all sin. It is clearly impossible for a sinner to hate all sin, since their own love of sin is precisely what makes them a sinner. Only God hates all sin, and for that very reason only God is able to judge the hearts of others. If we falsely claim we hate all sin, we are self-righteously and dishonestly claiming that, like God, we are already perfect and able to judge the hearts and the sins of others. In truth, only God can do that.

They like to claim that they hate sin and love their neighbors, but the truth is they love their own sins, and hate many of their neighbors. The truth is that the best any of us can ever do is confess our own sins in a spirit of humility and repentance, while forgiving those who have sinned against us, just as God in Christ forgave us. The proper attitude towards others insofar as they do no harm to others, is forbearance, and it is tolerance, and not hatred. If we can do that much, if we can refrain from judging others, we can also trust that God will forgive and cleanse us from our sin, so that we can become as lights in a dark and sinful world. The very worst thing we can ever do is to hypocritically claim we are loving someone, when all we are really doing is using them to disguise our own love of sin. Scapegoating others is not a form of love.

Most fundamentalists will respond to this line of reasoning by pointing out that it is the duty of Christians to discern good and evil, and stand up for what is right in an immoral and evil world. This is what many see as their duty as Christians, at least as they see it; they are called to be salt and light in a fallen world. Certainly there is some truth in this. The real question is – where is that line, if there is one, between standing up for the truth and judging others? Jesus said we were to forgive even those who repeatedly sinned against us. He never said we were to go around pointing our finger at everyone else’s sin – clearly that isn’t the sort of salt and light he was talking about. So where is the line between being salt and light in the world, and being a religious hypocrite? It’s in our willingness to recognize and repent our own sins, and not in our ability to judge what are the sins of others.

The sort of salt and light that Jesus was talking about, was manifested in how I live my life, not how correct I am in judging someone else’s life. The point in discerning right and wrong is as a guide in how I should live, and not in order to set myself up as a judge and jury over someone else. Jesus consistently preached against the moral hypocrisy of the Pharisees. What Jesus was saying is that if I live my life in accordance with the gospel of Christ to the extent that I know and understand it, the world will see it, whether or not I’m issuing proclamations on how other people are doing. Then I am being salt and light in the world rather than a religious hypocrite.

But if I spend my life judging, condemning and hating others because of what I perceive to be their faults and their sins, then I have likely become too proud to seriously address all my own shortcomings, and the world will see that instead The world will see how I am living my life, not how accurately I judge the lives of others. The world will see that rather than demonstrating God’s grace and mercy in Christ, my life has only added to all the hatred and intolerance that was already the world.

Those who are leading sinful lives, often try to prove themselves religious by judging others and holding their own lives as superior. Yet it was precisely this kind of comparative religiosity that Jesus hated and condemned in the Pharisees. Whatever high moral standards they may set for themselves, it was always offset and covered over by the fact that they couldn’t resist the temptation to take pride in themselves by judging others. Judging the sins of others is always a kind of sanctimonious boasting, and it is always very empty boasting at that, because in judging others, we put ourselves in God’s place, taking pride either in what we have done or avoided doing. We make our righteousness our own work, rather than what God has worked in our life. We are no longer grateful, but proud.. Instead of confessing our own sins and allowing God to work more deeply in our life, we try to earn our salvation by proving how much more worthy we are than anybody else. But we are not more worthy than anybody else, and while the former produces a humble and forgiving heart, the latter method produces a proud and judgmental spirit.

It seems always to be the case that the reason people judge others is that they never want to take a good hard look at themselves, to correct their own lives and open their heart to the love of God through humility and repentance of sin. Their religion becomes shallow and brittle. That isn’t salt – that’s salt that has already last its savor, and acquired a kind of sanctimonious bitterness.

If you believe homosexuality is wrong, fine – don’t do it. It certainly would be wrong for a heterosexual to engage in a homosexual relationship, inasmuch as God has not equipped them for it. But it is also wrong for a homosexual to live a lie and pretend to be in love with somebody of the opposite sex, when actually he/she is incapable of loving them in the way that they need, inasmuch as God has not emotionally equipped him/her for that either. Paul writes for us to all live by the same rule, inasmuch as God has given us to see it. But where there is a difference of opinion, he advised that everyone be fully persuaded in their own mind, and he warned against judging another man’s servant. Because we are all God’s servants.

The line between judging others and standing up for the truth comes down to the way I live my life, and not how successful I am in Scapegoating others, or compelling others to lead their life the way I want them to. Certainly every society has a right and a duty to protect itself against thieves, against murderers, against child molesters, against anyone who would do harm to others. But saying that a loving consensual relationship between two consenting adults is wrong when they believe in their own hearts it is right, and denying them same basic human rights, and the same opportunity to pursue their own happiness, goes far beyond any Christian duty, and far into the realm of judging others. Even well beyond judging – Scapegoating others.

There is a good reason why Jesus told us to love each other, and warned us against the temptation to judge each other. Only love recognizes a person as they really are. Only perfect love sees the entire truth. The God who loves us, also sees and knows us better than anyone, even ourselves. It is only by loving others that we participate in God’s love, and gain a deeper understanding of who the other person is. Those who stand back and say “love the sinner, hate the sin”, have never loved the sinners they presume to judge. How can you love someone you don’t even know, or even want to know? How can you say that you love the sinner, when all you really know is what you judge to be evil about them?

The real problem in the church today is a complete breakdown and failure to be reconciled in love. A failure and unwillingness to get to know gays and lesbians, instead of judging and condemning them as if they were abstract concepts rather than real people. Those who do get to know them are usually much less likely to want to judge or condemn. By concentrating on loving, they no longer have so much time to spend on hating what they once feared. Not that everyone who gets to know a gay man or lesbian woman will comes to the conclusion that homosexuality is not a sin, but at the very least it may no longer seem like such a critical issue, that they can’t wait for God to sort things out.