The Joy Of Our Faith
Just imagine how painful it is to grow up in a family that will never accept you as God created you. It may be all the worse, and all the more cruel, when families only superficially pretend to accept what they will never condone. Love the sinner, while hating everything that you stand for. They don't reject you outright because they don't like to think of themselves as terrible people. But neither would they allow you to have the same rights - and the same chance at happiness - that they have.
It must be kinder and more merciful to reject someone you cannot love and respect as an equal, than to dishonestly pretend that your hatred and bigotry is love. There is nothing crueler than that. At least in rejecting them you might also set them free, and give them a fighting chance to find out what real love is all about. Rather than teaching them how to love their family by hating themselves.
There's this thing that abusive people and families often do where they mistake their guilt for love. They are often cruel and feel guilty about it, but they mislabel the guilt they are feeling as if it were love. So instead of motivating them to change, they only become more abusive and shameless over time. But love is more than a mis-labeled feeling - it's how you treat other people.
I tried to warn him that his family would never be able to love and support him in the way that he needed. That he should stay away and live his own life, because they were destroying his self-esteem. You cannot be around people who hate who you are without some - or a whole lot - of it rubbing off. Sometimes the only way to save yourself is to stay away from your dysfunctional family. At least until you're strong enough, after you've discovered what the word "love" really means.
But he desperately needed and yearned for the kind of love and support that only a family could give, but that his family was never going to give him. He was caught in an impossible bind where he needed for them to accept and love him as a gay man, before he would finally be able to accept and love himself. He used drugs to deaden the excruciating pain of being hated and rejected by the people that he loved and needed the most.
I asked myself: How can I be a Christian when there are so many people just like him – gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered - being destroyed by people calling themselves Christians? How can I call myself a Christian when so many other Christians are emotionally crippling their own children, brothers, and sisters?
I'll tell you the truth - I really wanted to call down the wrath of God upon that family’s head. I would have liked that the Lord put that entire family in his place, so they would finally know what their hatred felt like. I wanted to see justice! Why is it that God allows some of the most heartless people in the world - who often call themselves religious - to triumph over what is right?
Then I remember how He allowed it to happen to His own Son. I remembered the Pharisees and what they did to Jesus. And I remember what Jesus said before it happened:
"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." (John 15:11)
Jesus had just told the disciples that he was going to be crucified, and yet he was full of joy. And if Jesus was full of joy it means that God must also have been full of joy - and not in spite of the cruel injustice that was about to be acted out, but because of it. Jesus was joyful because he was going to the Father, and it would be like a homecoming. God was joyful because He was about to overcome all the sins of the world through the blood of His Son. And His disciples should have been joyful, because they would never again need to be afraid of death or injustice.
And neither should we.
I was angry because, like the disciples, I was looking at the situation as the final act rather than just the beginning. A lifetime of injustice is a hard thing to carry around inside. It ends up breaking and destroying many people. But a lifetime of injustice is nothing when compared with an eternity of joy in the presence of God.
"Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh. Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake. Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets. But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation. Woe unto you that are full! for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep. Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets." (Luke 6:21-26)
I suddenly realized that I should have felt worse for the family. They are the ones about to miss out on all we will have one day. People are only on earth for eighty or ninety years at best, and even the best life on earth still has its ups and downs. But what about the life that is always up, always joyful, forever?
I hope you pray for that family, because they're the ones who may have a much tougher time of it, and forever. They’re the ones we should pity and pray for. Because I have a feeling that, in spite of going to church, they don't believe in God's righteous judgment. That's why many outwardly religious people act as if they can get away with anything. They have no shame because they really don't believe, in their heart of hearts, there will be consequences for what they have done.
I strongly believe that fundamentalist Christianity is the result of a horrendous lack of faith. They don't really believe that God will righteously judge the world, or they wouldn't be doing the things they are doing. Like Jesus said, "By their fruit you know them."
When we truly believe we have joy, and we love in the right way. But when we really don't believe in the things that we say we do, everything that we do is wrong and sinful, because none of it was done in faith, and even what we call love isn't really love at all.
"Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone." (Mt 23:23)
The reason that so many fundamentalists feel the need to judge and condemn homosexuals is because they really don't believe there is a God who will do it - if and when it needs to be done. They persecute others to prove to themselves that they have the kind of faith they really don't have - or they wouldn't be hating and persecuting others. They need to establish their own version of justice right now, and in their own cruel way; because they really don't believe that God will ever get around to doing it, His way. They need to force everyone to believe what they do, so they can finally believe it too. They are always struggling to hide their lack of faith by condemning and persecuting others. They refused to put all their trust in God, and consequently, they needed to prop up their weak and disabled faith by judging and punishing others.
We all struggle somewhere between faith and doubt, joy and despair, anger and forgiveness. I am still somewhere between feeling angry towards that family because of the evil they’ve done, and realizing that I need to pray for them. Being a Christian means that none of us is perfect and we are all sinners. But as Christians, we either struggle to believe, or we struggle to hide the fact that we've already given up and refuse to believe. Hopefully, we will never fall into that black hole of faithlessness where religious hypocrites hang out. There is no real joy in that kind of faith because there is no real hope for a better life to come. There is only a kind of sanctimonious smugness that too often passes for joy in many fundamentalist churches today.
Being a Christian means living in the joy of knowing that our life will go on forever in the presence of God. And whatever injustice we may suffer now, we should think of it as a cause for celebration, knowing that God is just, and that those who are unjustly despised and dishonored today will one day be honored and rewarded in heaven.
That family will probably go to their graves thinking they did the right thing. But whether they repent or not is not really the point. God is just, and the point is that today we can rest in Him. We don't need to waste our energy being angry at religious hypocrites. We don't need to make everyone that hates us and does us wrong, feel guilty about it. We can wait for God to deal with them His way, in His own time. And because we know there will ultimately be justice, we should already be celebrating, and living in the joy of our faith.














